Show Notes:
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly saying “yes” to things that drain you and take you further from your goals? Every “yes” to something that doesn’t align with your values is a “no” to your vision and purpose. This is the silent killer of intentional living. In this episode, we dive into how to stop feeling like you’re drifting and start making choices that truly count.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
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The Silent Killer: Why saying “yes” to everything is actually a “no” to what truly matters.
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The Law of Priorities: We’ll explore John Maxwell’s core principle that good leaders are defined not by what they say “yes” to, but by what they say “no” to.
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The Strategic “No”: A step-by-step guide to using your values as a filter to make empowering choices, not guilt-ridden refusals.
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The Delay Tactic: A practical tool to give yourself time to assess if a commitment aligns with your priorities before responding.
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Communicating Graciously: How to respectfully decline opportunities by expressing gratitude and protecting your time without burning bridges.
Resources Mentioned:
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The Intentional Choice Guide: A free worksheet to help you get crystal clear on your values so you can filter your choices. Get your copy today at nickmaizy.com.
Your Next Step
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Reflect & Act: Think about a commitment you’ve been making that doesn’t align with your values. Consider how you can strategically say “no” to make room for what’s truly important.
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Download the Guide: Take the next step on your journey to intentional living by downloading the Intentional Choice Guide at nickmaizy.com.
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Rate & Review: Help other busy professionals and parents discover the podcast by leaving a review on [Spotify/Apple Podcasts]. Your feedback is invaluable!
[Full Podcast Episode Transcript]
Hello, my friend, and welcome. Welcome to episode 51, the claim your day podcast. Glad you’re here and joining in. I’m glad that you’re, you’re, you’re striving to be intentional with your time with, with the choices that you make. Because this is your life. You have to, you have to claim it. Today matters and you can make it count. Like today, today we’re going to be diving into, you know, how, how we’re spending those choices and being intentional with our choices.
I did create a resource for you that will help you with this. As we’re going through this episode. You can go to nickmazzi.com is the intentional choice guide. You’ll see a link up top. Let’s dive into today’s episode and if you want some extra, like a worksheet to work through a resource, you can go there and get it. So you’ve got your vision. We’ve, I’ve had a few episodes about kind of creating this idea of what you want, you know, you know, what your values are.
We covered those, you know, thoroughly in some of the past episodes. And so you know, this, you know what’s important to you, you know, and you’re working toward what is most important to you, your life and your family. And then your phone rings or that email comes in, or a new project lands on your desk, you know, and your beautiful plan goes right out the window? You know, they have this saying, you know, no good plan makes it past breakfast.
Well, if, if either you’re a busy professional or a busy parent, or definitely if you’re both, then, then, you know that, you know, when you have this plan and it goes sideways or it doesn’t go, or someone else lands on your desk and, and have you ever felt like you’re having to constantly say yes to things that either, you know, they drain you, they distract you from your goals, they get you off track, or they just got.
They just put too much on your plate and so you’re not actually able to focus on what’s most important. Well, that’s you. You’re not alone. We’re going to explore a little bit of what that looks like in this episode. You know, so often, oftentimes we believe that saying yes to things, you know, makes a team player. You know, we don’t want to be that person that’s always saying no, because we, we all know that person that’s just not willing to help.
They’re not willing to contribute, and that’s tough. And we don’t want to be that person. But in reality, every yes is really also a no. Every time we say yes to one thing, we have to say no to something else. Or if we’re saying yes to a meeting at 2:30, then we’re effectively saying no to a different meeting at 2:30. Right? We can only be in one place at one time.
Even though it seems like sometimes we have to break the laws of physics and, and split ourselves and to go into different areas. But anytime you’re saying yes, you’re really saying no. Anytime you’re saying no, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to say yes. So every time you say yes to something that really doesn’t align with your values and your goals, then, then you’re really saying no to that vision and that purpose that you have for your life.
You’re saying yes can actually be a silent killer in intentional living. Now I know that’s tough. I know that’s tough. But that’s why we have to be intentional with how we spend our choices. Think about spending your choices. Once that choice is spent, it’s done. So you got to be really intentional. It’s just like spending money. You have to be really intentional with how you spend your choices because if you’re going to do one thing, you’re not going to do something different.
You know, John Maxwell talks about this in his Principle of Priorities. And it’s all about, you know, really good having good leaders. And I want you to be a good leader. I want you to lead well, lead your life well. You know, if that’s with the family at home or if it’s at a job or on a team, I want you to lead well. And a part of leading well is knowing your priorities.
When you know your priorities and you’re intentional with saying yes to your true priorities, then the rest of the things really do fall in line. See now there’s always going to be choices. There’s always going to be opportunities. You know, a lot of them might be good opportunities. The most challenging part in my opinion, is when you have good, good opportunities come your way that you have to say no to.
You know, you need to say no to it because you’ve determined, hey, this, this doesn’t align with my true values or my higher priorities are over here. And having to say no to good opportunities so that you can pursue and focus on the truly great ones, that’s what’s going to help you to lead your life well, no matter what area you’re in. And another part to having those priorities is being able to filter the choices and opportunities through your priorities, through your values.
Using no is actually a great way to reinforce your priorities. Using no can actually help you to live out your values. See, when you have that clear vision of what you want, when you’ve defined your values and your priorities, then you can filter your choices. You can filter the opportunities and the requests that come your way through your priorities and your values. You filter them through that. Does this opportunity move me closer to my vision?
Does this choice, this request that comes my way, does it help me to live out my values or not? You got to put everything through that filter, and that’s what’s going to help you to be intentional. It’s going to help you to live that life that you want. If all you do is know what your values are and you and you identify opportunities and requests that come your way.
If all you do is know what’s important to you and you see what choices you have, if all you do is that, but you don’t take the effort to actually live out those values and to evaluate those opportunities and choices based on your values, then you’re not living intentionally. You’re letting a lot of the value that you already have in your hands, ready to use slip through your fingers.
So you got to be, in my opinion, I can tell you what you have to do. But if you want to be intentional, then you have to be intentional. You have to be strategic with your nose and empower yourself to make the choices that are going to bring you closer to your vision. Give yourself permission to live out your values. When you’re saying no to things that don’t align with your values and your goals and your vision.
When you’re saying no to things, it’s not that you’re being uncooperative, it’s that you’re being intentional. You can’t say yes to everything and be intentional. You can’t say yes to everything and live out your values. And like I mentioned, we did talk a whole lot about identifying your values, exploring what they are. And if you’re going to be checking yourself and putting your choices through this values filter, then you got to get crystal clear on those.
If you need a worksheet or a resource to help you out with that, again, you can just go to nickmazy.com link at the top. It’s called the Intentional Choice Guide. It is a couple of pages long. It is worth the time to work through it. There, I have multiple different, like exercises that really help you get crystal clear on what your Values are, you know, and prioritize them so that you can begin to filter your choices and opportunities and the things that come your way through your, through your values.
That way you can live them out and be intentional. Because like I was saying earlier, every single yes is actually a no too. So if you’re trying to be just cooperative and be a team player, wonderful. Be cooperative and be a team player. Help contribute to the greater good of anything that you’re a part of. You know, be diligent and pursue excellence in everything you know and contribute. Add value.
At the same time, if all you’re doing is saying yes to everything that’s asked of you, you’re actually saying no to all the other things out there. What’s challenging is a lot of times we’re being asked to do things, and when we commit to them, if we commit and just say yes to too many things, then we’re actually forced to say no to the things that truly are most important.
I guess it’s great to go above and beyond, but if you’re going above and beyond and saying yes to things that aren’t your highest true values and priorities, if you’re saying yes to things that aren’t those, you will be forced to say no to your true values and those highest priorities that you have. So if you’re high, think about it. If you have your highest priority and value, just say it is your family.
Then when you say yes to a lot of other things that aren’t your family, you’re actually saying no to your family. I know it’s harsh. I know it’s. That’s tough. We all have to balance out our choices. That makes the most sense for our individual lives and what we have going on. I get that. Yes. You know, I have to work, so I don’t. And my girls go to school, so I’m not with them all the time.
We have to be intentional with how we make these choices. But if I say yes to a whole lot of things that are going to take away my weekends and my evenings, then I’m effectively saying no to family time. That really is one of my priorities. So instead of a little bit of challenges with just saying no to everything, and a lot of times when we’re asked something of somebody else or somebody else asks us something, we feel like we have to answer immediately.
But if you’re going to take the time, if you’re going to really be intentional and put your choices through this values filter, then, then give yourself a little bit of time. You can use a little delay tactic if it’s helpful to you. And I think anytime I can give a little bit more thought process to a choice, I make a better choice. If I’m just having to react right on the spot, sometimes the choices aren’t that good.
But if I can be a little bit intentional, by having a little bit of time, a lot of times, I’m going to make a better choice. So this might be something for you to try. If you’re finding yourself saying yes or no in too many different areas where it’s not really aligning with your true values and what’s really most important to you, then use a little bit of a delay tactic.
You know, when something comes up and someone asks you something, hey, you know, let me check my calendar and get back to you. Or I might have some things going on, I’m not certain. Let me just double check. Any sort of thing like that where you’re not just brushing them off, but you’re basically just saying, I need to check on that for you. Then, you know, if you end up saying yes to it because you looked at everything, hey, I got the bandwidth, it makes sense for me.
If you end up saying yes to it, then you can feel good about that. Yes. You know, you won’t have the weight of, am I dropping the ball in some other area or what am I missing? What am I having to say no to? Because you’ve been intentional and you’ve evaluated it, you’ve looked at everything you have going on, and yes, it makes sense to say yes, that’s wonderful.
But also, if someone asks you something or you see an opportunity comes your way and you do check, you say, hey, let me, let me check on that. If I can take care of that for you, let me see if I can participate. And you have to say no, then you can also feel good about that no, because you know that you’re saying no to something because you need to have that yes available for your true values and what’s most important to you and your life and your family.
It’s all about being intentional. And sometimes intentionality. It takes just a few moments to let yourself process what you’re about to decide. That choice that you’re about to spend, allow yourself to process that and think through it so that you can be intentional so that you can make that choice that is the best for you and your values and the vision you have for your life. We’re not, you’re not just saying no, and you’re across the board 100 not.
And also, you don’t have to say no in a way that’s rude. You can say no and just gracefully declined. You can, you know, say, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I have to pass on on this right now. And you can give them a reason because of X, Y and Z, or I’m currently focusing on this other opportunity or thing that you have going on, or I got a lot on my plate right now and I just can’t take on that other thing.
Thank you for thinking of me. You can help them to find another person to help cover. You can do all kinds of things like that where you’re not just brushing it off. At the same time, your values that are most important to your life that you’ve determined have to come through in the choices that you make. Otherwise you won’t be living them out. It’s as simple as that.
So with this, I want you to think of one thing that you’re saying yes to or you’ve been saying yes to that might not align directly with your vision or might not be lockstep with the values that you have for your life. You know, what have you been saying yes to that you really could turn into a strategic no so that you can live your values and lead your life so that you can be intentional with the choices that you make.
What’s one area that you’ve said yes to or that you do often say yes to? That really thinking about it, it really should be a strategic no. Such you can be more intentional. Saying no can really be a powerful way to say yes to what’s most important to you. You know, saying no to the good is a powerful way to say yes to the great. I want the great things in your life, the most important, valuable, those wonderful values that you have for you, your life and your family.
I want you to be able to say yes to those and live those out intentionally. And in order to do that, you’ve got to be willing to say no. You know, and mastering this skill, mastering this skill is what’s going to. It’s not just going to protect your time, but it’s going to help you to live that life that you want. It’s going to help you to live out the vision you have for your life by protecting that time by saying no to the things that don’t align with your values and priorities.
Well, thank you for listening to this episode of the Claim Your Day podcast. As always, you can go to nickmazy.com you know, get that Intentional Choice Guide. You can listen to podcast episodes there. I’ve almost got it fully updated with all the episodes. For podcasts you can search for just use a little search bar for for different titles or topics and you can listen to the episodes right there on the website@nickmazzy.com
Please rate and review this podcast. There’s millions of podcasts out there and it would help other people to find it if you would leave a review. Thank you for listening. Take care. I can’t wait to talk to you again in the next episode.